she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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