He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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