Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
