How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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