Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
