i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize