Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
