True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
