I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
