I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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