maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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