he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
