A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
