Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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