bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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