There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
