I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
