So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
