I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he shaved USA in his pubs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
