i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Success! We fucked roommates!
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