Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
