3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
