You just made me feel so damn special
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
