I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
