Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
