Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
