Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
