we're chasing vodka with high fives
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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