I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
