my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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