I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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