I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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