i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
