i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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