You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
