I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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