watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize