i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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