i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
