Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
