there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
