Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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