too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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