Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
