Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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