I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
