I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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