Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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