everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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