My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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