Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
