Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i already hear my dad disowning me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
