I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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