I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
