Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
