YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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