dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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