upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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