Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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