His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
