she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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