Pants 0. Shit 1.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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