I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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