I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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